Hi. How have you been? I know it’s been a long time since I last wrote…
Oh look, there I am–not blogging.
A couple nights ago, I dreamt that my blog had died. I was routinely surfing the internet when I stumbled upon some generic-looking media site that had created a ranked list of this month’s Top Ten Most Dead Blogs. As if there are documented rankings and varying degrees of dead for blog sites (I Googled it, and it doesn’t exist). A breathless blog sounds like a silly thing to be concerned about in the midst of my slumber, but the truth is that I have been awfully concerned about the direction of No Moore Muffins for quite some time now. It’s part of the reason that I haven’t written in so long! I’ll be the first to admit that my coping strategies have not been topnotch. Running–unless literally–from the problem is clearly not going to solve anything. And neither is procrastinating giving an explanation for as long as I have. For both of these things I am sorry and regretful. And don’t worry, I have been constantly reminded of my neglect. I can’t escape the inquiries–sometimes nagging inquiries–from my readers, friends, fellow journalists, and even near strangers. But I am grateful for the nagging. It has shown me that it doesn’t go unnoticed when I stop writing.
You should know that my absence was only meant to protect you. I wanted to protect all of you from taking useless, and perhaps even detrimental, advice that would have resulted from the confused and deranged state that I have been in since September. It would have been the blind leading the blind, for lack of a better metaphor.
So let me tell you what I have been doing (and not doing) for the last couple months: adjusting to living alone, and consequently, cooking alone.
I have had some challenges with eating right now that I have an entire refrigerator, kitchen, and apartment all to myself. First of all, I’ve discovered that I love being able to use any appliance I want, at any given time, with any given food. It’s Fabulous with a capital ‘F’. I don’t have to wash anyone else’s dishes before I get started (but I might choose to do some of my own), and I don’t have to wait for the stovetop to be free. Most noticeably, I don’t feel obligated to share my meal with anyone. Not. A. One. The upside of this is that I produce lots of leftovers and don’t need to whip-up a new meal every night. The downside to this is that the recipes I generally like to cook usually revolve around some type of carbohydrate. This has often resulted in my scraping the same pan of cheesy-starchy-salty goodness all week.
Another bittersweet luxury is the basic fact that I don’t feel any judgement–positive or negative–by anyone, at any time. This can come in pretty handy when I surge into an ‘I’m-so-fat-and-ugly’ breakdown, and must quickly solve the problem by eating half a box of chocolate-covered pretzels while watching Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami without shame. But, as you can probably imagine, this is also a con. When I had roommates, even if I knew they didn’t care, I always weirdly hoped that they were judging me for going soft on my exercise and eating habits; that they would make a mental note for every time that I ate a few too many tortilla chips and wonder if I was going to gain all the weight back. It’s pretty twisted, and don’t judge me, but I actually thrive under the pressure of my peers’ judgement. I, sadly, relied on that contrived judgement when I couldn’t conjure up my own will to work.
So because I am now starved for that ass-kicking peer pressure that I always used to rely on, I’ve been searching for a new motivator to start my next plan. And actually, if I’m being honest, my plan is already pretty much planned out. I have just been waiting to start until I felt truly inspired. (This is the kind of plan that will need some hardcore inspirational back-up if it’s really going to work.)
Happily, I very recently decided to do a profile story on Molly Wizenberg, the creator of Orangette. I interviewed her early early this morning. Orangette is an award-winning and very successful food blog that I initially modeled my format and aesthetic for No Moore Muffins after. From Orangette, Molly now has a monthly column for Bon Appetite Magazine, has written a book of essays called A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen. Through it, she also met her husband, and opened a restaurant in Seattle. In doing research for my feature story, I also read her book. It is fabulous, it is funny, and it is a New York Times Bestseller. Oh, and you should read it.
So once again, I have found myself inspired my Molly Wizenberg. Her blog, her book, her writing, and her passion for her topic are all sublime. And this is why I am starting again today and renewing my commitment to No Moore Muffins. I have a gazillion things to try, and many things to write, so be prepared for my content to skyrocket this week and from now on.